PEOPLE under 25 have demanded to know who this so-called Morrissey is.
Those born since 1992 are confused at the acres of coverage given to the reactionary observations of a middle-aged man with no apparent relevance or Christian name.
Susan Traherne, 24, said, “I asked my dad who this sturdy Elvis lookalike was. He told me was an acclaimed recording artist and I should treat his words with the same awe you would the Romantic poets.
“I then asked him to name any record he’d made in the last 25 years and he couldn’t.”
22-year-old Tom Booker said: “The bloke sounds like one of the more unhinged old geezers who sits right at the back in the Question Time audience.
“Yet every time he expresses a thought everyone freaks out like it’s the latest economic forecast from the Governor of the Bank of England.”
The nation’s grandparents are also baffled about the identity of Morrissey. 78-year-old Norman Steele said: “Isn’t he the zoo bloke off of Animal Magic? Why isn’t he hosing down an elephant?”