A WOMAN on her third volume of fantasy-themed pornography would like to inform its author she is not here for the rich fairy world-building.
Filth consumer Charlotte Phelps admitted her motivation for reading His Wand, My Rose III: The Fertile Pumpkins was not to learn about meetings of the Fae Council but to for all the gossamer-winged princesses to get f**ked.
She said: “It’s the f**king. The paragraph after paragraph of florid, gratuitous, cliche-heavy fairy f**king.
“I’m not here for the map or the description of their enchanted citadel. The dialogue is clunky in cod-Elizabethan, but I’ll overlook that when Titania’s spanking our heroine then tasting her eldritch nectar for a forbidden liaison that leaves her lips smeared in glitter.
“I couldn’t give a shit why Queen Gweneviere has banished her loyal guard Tibalt from the palace of the four winds, but I do care about their former hard f**ks in the unicorn stables. I care about them a lot.
“If you want to vary it a bit I’m down for a nymph blowing an ogre, a dryad doing an elf train or a couple of dragons rutting in the sky. Just spare me the lengthy explanation of how they co-exist in the fairy realm because honestly who cares.”
Author Raven Thessaly, whose real name is Nathan Muir, said: “I wanted to write proper fantasy trilogies for men. But I included all my wank fantasies and now women love them.
“Damn you. You will care that Titania has taken the Sceptre of Summoning to the very core of Ra, and not just because I’ve had her hide it up her chuff.”
