Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Woman wants husband to f**k off so she can watch Love Actually

A WOMAN wants her husband to bugger off so she can sit on the sofa and weep at Love Actually without being judged. 

Emma Bradford wants to mindlessly plough through a family-sized bag of Kettle Chips and a box of tissues while watching the film without anyone smirking and making supercilious comments about it.

Bradford said: “Look, we all know Love Actually is shit but so what? I don’t make a fuss about Tom taking The Mandalorian weirdly seriously.

“If he’s here he’ll come in during a particularly embarrassing bit, like Hugh Grant doing that stupid dance. Kind of like when your parents walked in on you watching a TV sex scene, but more humiliating.

“He’ll watch for a while before saying, ‘They had to make the kid American so Americans would watch it,’ or ‘That mews house would cost at least £2 million – what are they, Russian oligarchs?’ And then it’s all ruined.

“It’s a well known fact that the best marriages are based on being able to get your partner to f**k off occasionally.”