Woman who claims to love classical music only knows Game of Thrones theme

A WOMAN who calls herself a big fan of classical music only knows the Game of Thrones theme tune, it has emerged.

Joanna Kramer, from Colchester, claims to have ‘really got into classical music’ five years ago, when she first started watching the HBO show.

She said: “Classical music is so evocative. Listening to it conjures up images of nudity and dragons, and provokes powerful emotions, like guilt at illegally downloading stuff.

“A piece of classical music can tell a complex story, such as, for example, how participants in a dynastic succession war all want to murder or have sex with each other.

“Classic FM is a bit too niche for me, though, probably because my tastes are so varied. I also like traditional folk ballads like the Rains of Castamere, and that one in season three about the bear.”

According to her friends, Kramer also claims to be ‘a massive medieval history buff’, but is unaware of any events that took place outside the fictional kingdoms of Westeros.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Scrumpy-making farmer not 'inspired by Brew Dog'

A FARMER whose bright orange cider makes you shit yourself is not inspired by Brew Dog, he has confirmed.

Arable farmer and part-time cider maker Tom Logan said he has no plans to build up and then sell his drinks-making business, and does not have a brand other than a hand-made sign on the roadside that says ‘Scrumpy’.

He said: “We get the apples, make the cider, then put it in plastic petrol-type containers, some of which have previously had petrol in.

“We have no shareholders because I only take cash, which goes straight in my pocket. The price varies depending on my mood. Sometime I take £25 a week.

“Personally I don’t drink our cider because it’s fucking horrible and apparently it can make you go blind, but some people seem to like it. Christ knows why.

“We don’t really have a business model other than ‘sell cider’. I don’t have a handsome youthful face, tattoos, or a friendly welcoming grin that says ‘please like me’.

“If you want cider, I have cider. Otherwise, stay away.”

He added: “Craft beer is for dickheads.”