FOLLOWING the death of Hollywood star Lauren Bacall, the word class is to be taken out of circulation.
Unless used in the phrases the class struggle or class A drugs, it will either not be used at all, or replaced by the word Bacall.
Pulp have already agreed to rename their 1995 album Different Bacall, while in schools the places where lessons are taught are being called Bacallrooms.
Meanwhile, instead of first and second class, railway operators will be required to rename carriages ‘Bacall’ and ‘Everyone Else’.
Linguistics expert Norman Steele said: Bacall had more Bacall in her little finger than the thousand spangly-toothed mannequins without a single opinion between them whove walked the red carpet since her heyday.
Male or female, it doesnt matter. She was more woman than any of them, and more man than any of them too.
To carry on using the word ‘class’, as if any of these magazine fillers had an ounce of her Bacall, would be an insult.