Saturday, 4th April 2020

Adorable little trinket shop obviously a front for evil

A QUAINT little knick-knack shop selling curios for affordable prices must be a front for terrible evil, shoppers have agreed. 

Odds N Ends in Swansea has low prices and few customers but somehow remains in business so is likely a front for the Mafia, the Triads or some kind of international society of contract killers.

Nikki Hollis, who runs the nail salon over the road, said: “I can honestly say I’ve never seen a single human enter except the old man who runs it. And he closes for lunch.

“I’m going to go the obvious route and say it’s probably drugs, shifted out of the back room in massive quantities. Jason at the newsagent thinks it’s money laundering, while Gemma who runs the Co-op swears it’s a brothel.

“Either way it’s something nefarious. No way can a shop survive on this street selling novelty keyrings and joke signs. Maybe people trafficking?”

Owner Roy Hobbs said: “No, it’s just that I own the freehold and don’t have high overheads so I only need to make enough to get by.

“That big lever in the back. Nothing. Certainly doesn’t open a hidden stairway to a murder casino for serial-killing billionaires. Now are you buying anything or what?”