AMAZON has confirmed plans to put random items in your house that you then have to pay for.
Amazon NoChoice is a new service where non-chosen, non-returnable items arrive overnight, with charges automatically debited from your bank account.
An Amazon spokesman said: “We get into your house in the night – we already have a key – and put things in it.
“You wake up and wonder if they were there yesterday, shrug your shoulders and decide you are past caring, we take the money.
“In case you were wondering, you are already signed up for this. Where did you think that weird lamp came from?”
Householder Mary Fisher said: “This morning I woke up to find a rugby ball, a footballer’s autobiography and 50 bottles of industrial moth spray in my living room.
“If Amazon thinks I want these things, then I suppose I must accept that I do.”
The spokesman added: “If you refuse to pay we’ll imprison you in our Dunfermline ‘fulfilment centre’.
“You think it’s just a massive warehouse. That’s not what it is at all.”