Apple to reclaim the word ‘gimmick’

TECHNOLOGY giant Apple has launched a campaign to remove the negative connotations of the word ‘gimmick’.

Gimmicks for everyone

The company, which is also preparing to release its iPhone 6, has started a multimedia campaign entitled Why Gimmicks Are Great.

A spokesman said: “Often we describe a piece of technology or a function of it as ‘just a gimmick’ without even stopping to think what that means.

“If you look at the history of the word ‘gimmick’ comes from ‘gimmagical’ which in the ancient Welsh tongue means ‘cool thing that brings wonder to your life’.

“In Welsh legend the ‘gimmick’ is a mystical glowing tablet discovered by the hero Nog, which saves his people from famine by giving them recipes based on whatever’s lying around in their hovel, and also works as a torch.

“We talk about gimmickry like it’s a trick, when actually it’s a sort of wonderful magic and a way of discovering things you were too stupid to realise you needed, like a button moved slightly to the right.

“Show your support for joy and wonder by buying gimmicky things.

“Not that Apple products are particularly gimmicky. I’m just talking hypothetically.”

Apple consumer Tom Logan said: “My friends always mock me for ‘falling for the latest gimmick’, now they’re going to be laughing on the other sides of their faces.

“I do hope the iPhone 6 has lots of gimmicky features. I feel confident that it will.”

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Music industry to help hot homeless people

THOUSANDS of physically attractive people don’t have anywhere to live, according to pop stars.

Following Miley Cyrus’s appearance with a good-looking rough sleeper at the VMAs, the music industry has affirmed its commitment to helping the ‘hot homeless’.

Beyonce said: “We need to get hot people off the streets and into music videos.

“They need food and we need skinny backing dancers, it’s the perfect synergy.”

Record label bosses have launched Action for Hot Homelessness, which aims to get the best-looking 10 per cent of rough sleepers album deals.

A spokesman said: “Seeing hot people sleeping in the gutter is an affront to everything the entertainment industry stands for.

“I don’t want to live in a world where good-looking individuals aren’t spraying each other with champagne on massive boats.”