Best laid plans of mice and men ‘f**ked up by Ryanair’

THE classic Rabbie Burns poem about the ‘best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men’ has been amended to make it clear that it is Ryanair that ruins them. 

The famous line in To a Mouse was updated following the budget airline’s cancellation of flights for 250,000 passengers on the grounds that they ‘no longer felt like it’. 

Professor Helen Archer of Edinburgh University said: “It isn’t God, or happenstance, or man’s hubris that causes our best laid schemes to ‘gang aft agley’. It’s fucking Ryanair. 

“Whether you’re flying out for a fortnight away, trying to get 60 guests to your wedding, or merely taking the kids for that Disneyland trip they’ve been excited about since February, Ryanair can and will ruin it all. 

“They insist their own regulations are followed to the absolute letter, while happily leaving you stranded in the Algarve because they’ve ballsed up their holiday rota. 

“You can’t even boycott them because they run all the routes everywhere. They are the devil.” 

Rabbi Lionel Hirschberg said: “We Jews have our own saying: ‘Man plans, Ryanair laughs.’”