Boss’s claim ‘we’re all mad here’ actually a cry for help

A BOSS who claimed in a job interview that everyone in the office was crazy was desperately asking for help, a new employee has discovered. 

Account manager Emma Bradford has found out that her line manager was neither joking or exaggerating when he said that her colleagues are battling serious psychological issues.

She said: “‘We’re all mad’ is just an office cliche like ‘we work hard and play hard’. All it means is that they wear the hats when they go to Chiquito.

“But within my first hour Darren from marketing had told me he was being watched by Mossad, Marie in payroll had set the photocopier alight and I’d found I wasn’t allowed any pens or pads in case I messed them up by using them.”

Boss Martin Bishop said: “We have a terrible, debilitating problem here but anytime I try and talk about it people just laugh and say ‘me too!’.

“I had high hopes that Emma could get us the help we need, but she didn’t listen. Nobody ever listens.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Swindon ‘just like Harry Potter’, say American tourists

A GROUP of American tourists claims everything they have seen in Swindon is magical like the world of Harry Potter. 

The group, from Lubbock, Texas, believes that any building dating from before 1963 is “so Hogwarts” and could just imagine the boy wizard racing above the train station on his broomstick.

Mary Fisher said: “Boy, everything in Britain sure is quaint and enchanting. Is the Ministry of Magic based in that towerblock?

“We already saw an old-fashioned girls’ toilets just like in Chamber of Secrets – so authentic, really stank – and really the whole town’s just exactly how I’d imagined Azkaban Prison, but more sinister.

“And yesterday our guide took us around this incredible 1980s ‘Barratt Homes’ housing estate that was so like being on Privet Drive where Harry grew up I felt like I was actually in the books.

“I wanted a selfie with this old Dumbledore-looking guy but he told me to, I quote, ‘piss off’. Guess he’s Slytherin.”

Tour guide Tom Logan said: “I thought I might take them to Stonehenge. But apparently it’s not in Harry Potter.”