Cakes ‘not even close to making work okay’

ATTEMPTS to bribe the workforce with cake have failed miserably, it has been confirmed.

Cakes and ‘cake days’ have been used by managers to distract workers from the soulless and exploitative nature of their jobs.

However employees confirmed that while they were more than happy to eat the cake they totally saw through this patronising bullshit.

Administrator Nikki Hollis, 28, said: “I’ve got to work here until I die because I was born into the lower rungs of society.

“A small cake with blue icing on isn’t going to pull the wool over my eyes, even if I will stuff it into my mouth whole and then return to the cake box three times like some sort of scavenging animal.”

Account assistant Nathan Muir said: “It’s not like Neo in The Matrix just forgot that humanity was enslaved by machines because they offered him a cake.

“However, if that happened he would still have eaten the cake, especially if it was a big slab of Rocky Road from the better of his two local bakeries.”