A LITTLE boy has been delighted to realise that Christmas is more of a hollow capitalist scam than he dared to dream possible.
Eight-year-old Jack Browne expected Christmas to be a profit-driven shell of its former Christian self, but the importance attached to mindless consumerism exceeded even his wildest expectations.
Browne said: “I was worried Covid might have given everyone a sense of perspective. So imagine my joy when I woke up to discover everyone’s been cashing in on Christmas as much as possible.
“Toys that’ll be ignored in a day or two, stupidly expensive perfume and aftershave mum and dad don’t really want, miscellaneous junk like an ugly musical elf. Yes, it’s been an orgy of brainwashed purchasing.
“There hasn’t been a single mention of today’s religious significance. Instead the whole family’s been furiously unwrapping their presents, listening to novelty songs and working out how to spunk another small fortune in the sales.
“This afternoon we’ll eat specially branded Christmas food then spend another evening slumped in front of the telly watching yuletide editions of our favourite programmes. I won’t think about baby Jesus once.
“Christmas truly is the most magical date in the Q4 calendar. I hope I never grow out of feeling this addicted to material possessions, or remember that today’s about family and loved ones.”