Company almost forgets to cover product with incredibly hard to remove stickers

A COMPANY’S production line was halted yesterday after one of its products almost failed to be covered in pointless, annoying stickers.

KitchenStuff, a manufacturer of small domestic appliances, has called in auditors to investigate why a toaster was within minutes of leaving the factory in a less than infuriating condition.

Managing director Martin Bishop said: “We make the stickers on site using the cheapest paper in the world and an insanely strong glue made from our own secret recipe.

“This sticker reminds people that the toaster needs to be plugged in; this one says ‘made in Doncaster with pride’ even though it’s not true; and this one is a random series of eight letters and numbers finished off with an exclamation mark and a question mark.

“Meanwhile, this one appears to be blank, but if you look at it under a microscope it says ‘you are an arse’ in very tiny beige letters.”

He added: “The thought of you trying to remove the stubborn remnants with a washing up sponge and some warm, soapy water makes us laugh like psychopaths.”

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Dress-down Friday a total shitshow

THE hot weather has turned casual Friday in offices around the UK into a riot of inappropriate clothing, workers have confirmed. 

Workplaces scandalised by displays of flesh and horrendous fashion choices have seen productivity drop to almost zero because employees are alternately covering their eyes and ogling.

HR manager Carolyn Ryan said: “Manager Paul came into the office in his Lycra, and we assumed he’d get changed after his bike ride into his usual jeans-and-polo.

“He didn’t. Sat there, going through the expenses, in full Lycra. He didn’t even cycle in. Too hot.

“Meanwhile the girl in payroll is literally wearing a crop top over a bikini, like she’s on her way to the beach, and Adele who retires next month is in Daisy Dukes and a see-through blouse.

“Dave from IT? Shirt unbuttoned to navel. Sharon in marketing? No bra. And we’re hearing rumours that Martin, managing director Martin, ‘fell out’ of his shorts while checking for toner.”

Ryan added: “Still. If we can look each other in the eye after the Christmas party, we can get over this.”