BOSSES across the UK are going to make you work harder so they can buy more things, according to a new survey.
The Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development found that although the economy is growing, employers are not planning to take on new staff because that would involve paying people to do things that you could do if you stayed at your desk until at least 9pm.
A chartered spokesman said: Instead of taking on more staff, companies are looking to increase productivity. And I think we all know that means.
It means youre fucked.
Just one in five companies said they would increase staff numbers and most of those will be accountants who specialise in helping employers avoid tax.
Meanwhile, legal firms are also expected to take on more staff to help employers grind you into the dirt when you take them to a tribunal for trying to kill you.
Martin Bishop, an employer from Stevenage, said: I have a great team here. Theyre dedicated and professional and they all want to contribute as much as they can, especially at weekends.
I know they would not want me to take on more staff because they understand the harsh realities of globalisation.
Emma Bradford, one of Mr Bishops employees, added: Keep it up, fuckface. Keep it up.