SPENDING £110 billion on HS2 to help people move around the country faster is just what this pandemic needs, the government has confirmed.
Whilst the economy tanks and people may have to stay at home for months to come, ministers have given the green light for work to start on a ruinously expensive railway line to make it quicker to get to London.
A spokesman said: “Despite the fact that a deadly virus is sweeping the world and no one will be able to afford to get on a train for the next decade, we’re pressing on with this colossal waste of money.
“It might seem that £110 billion would be better spent on the NHS or bailing out small firms, but you have to balance that with the fact that a few wealthy businessmen would like to shave 20 minutes off their occasional journeys between London and Birmingham.
“And there is the concern that social distancing will be impossible and construction workers might get ill, but you cant make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.”
He added: “If they survive, we’ll give them a badge or something.”