HOUSE prices are rising so fast that home ownership is only possible in shitholes, say experts.
The average price of a property in locations like London or Bristol is expected to rise by six per cent in 2016, causing a housing crisis apart from in areas where nobody particularly wants to live.
Property expert Carolyn Ryan said: “What am I supposed to tell first-time buyers? That they can achieve their dream of home ownership if they just give up hope of living anywhere they’re not ashamed of?
“When we talk about the housing crisis, we’re talking about real places like Brighton or Leeds or the Cotswolds, not the blasted hinterlands like Swansea or Dundee that make up the vast majority of the UK.
“House prices are rising uncontrollably in areas that matter. There. Happy now?”
Self-employed electrician Norman Steele said: “Here in Derbyshire, all £300k buys me is a detached six-bedroom house with gardens front and rear set in stunning countryside.
“This crisis is absolutely out of control.”