Houses to be sold at checkouts to encourage impulse buyers

PROPERTY is to be placed in eye-catching displays at supermarket and garage tills to encourage impulse home ownership, the government has announced. 

Home ownership in England has hit its lowest rate for 30 years because, experts believe, they have not been marketed aggressively in eye-level displays in reward zones. 

Marketing consultant Julian Cook said: “I look in an estate agent’s window and I see ugly photographs of houses with short typewritten descriptions like something out of communist Russia.

“You want houses to move, you’ve gotta sell that shit. Put them in the golden zones with a decent two-for-one offer, listing the original sky-high RRP so buyers think they’re getting a bargain. 

“Sell them as a treat. Tell the punters they deserve a Manchester apartment after the tough week they’ve had and it’ll be in the trolley no matter what the price. 

“We’re also leveraging pester power, telling kids aged six or over they should really have a two-bed terrace in Sunderland by now, and wives they need a second semi-detached for best.” 

59-year-old Norman Steele of Mansfield said: “Cheeky three-storey Edinburgh townhouse on a Tuesday night? Don’t mind if I do.”