SIR Philip Green made employees sign non-disclosure agreements to stop everyone finding out what a big-hearted softie he is, he has confessed.
The Topshop boss was terrified his competitors would discover he is an absolute pushover who nurses sick animals and cries at heartwarming films like Finding Nemo.
He said: “If the news got out that whenever a member of staff looks a bit glum I give them a basket of puppies and and a fortnight in the Seychelles, I’d be ruined.
“Rivals need to think of Sir Philip Green as a ruthless, hard-nosed operator, not a deeply emotional man who rushes out of his office with goo-goo eyes the moment someone brings a baby into work.
“So I made my assistants sign NDAs to stop them revealing that I volunteer at an animal shelter for orphaned baby squirrels and teach disadvantaged kids ping-pong at weekends.
“But now my secret’s out. Damn. Sir Alan Sugar’s never going to stop taking the piss.”
MP Julian Cook said: “Is there such a thing as a double knighthood? Because Sir Philip deserves one. You should see the look on his employees’ faces when he buys them all a yacht for their retirement.”