I took a big pay cut to follow my dream, says patronising wanker

A FORMER banker who is now a baker cannot help mentioning how much money he used to earn.

29-year-old Tom Booker quit his ‘soulless but incredibly well-paid’ job as a corporate banking executive to start a less lucrative, but still annoying, artisan cake shop called Booker The Baker.

Booker, who thinks he is some pretty hot shit, said: “I was pulling in a six-figure salary but I just wasn’t happy.

“My life was all about work, and although I was highly successful due to being gifted at everything, I felt I needed a more meaningful way of life.”

The conceited fucker has since moved to Totnes and started an expensive bakery, which he can do because he is financially sorted from his years of ruining the world.

He added: “Money isn’t important to me. Although as I may have mentioned, I did used to make a lot of it. An awful lot.”

Bakery assistant Nikki Hollis said: “I love it when Tom talks about ditching his corporate career like some sort of latter-day Jesus, because he still makes quite a lot and pays me the minimum wage.

“Also he doesn’t let me take any out-of-date buns home because it might affect ‘his brand’, the fucking prick.”

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Man who had never heard of blue passports until today now demanding one

A 22-YEAR-OLD man who first heard about blue British passports in today’s Sun is now demanding one as his patriotic right.

Stephen Malley of Basildon has already burned his maroon EU passport, calling it “the travel document of traitors”, in a pub car park and will picket his town hall tomorrow.

He said: “This is the passport of James Bond, Sean Connery era, the passport that William Shakespeare travelled to Verona on back in the Victorian times.

“It is an eternal symbol of these Isles’ proud history, from the building of Hadrian’s Wall to the discovery of Gibraltar, and we must have it back.

“They could still have the maroon ones for Remain voters, if they like. They could go in a longer queue.”