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iPad 3 buyers must undergo series of degrading trials

PEOPLE who want an iPad 3 must complete a series of deliberately humiliating challenges, Apple CEO Tim Cook has confirmed.

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Dear Holly,My boss is starting to realise that I am lazy and shit at my job, which is a shame, because I quite enjoy playing Minesweeper and reading BBC news for sixty thousand a year. How can I get him off my case so I can get back to beating my high score on Solitare?FrankAir traffic control towerGatwick

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