Lego unveils bricks that only intelligent kids can see

LEGO has announced a new line of building bricks that are invisible to stupid children.

A company spokesman said: “Our ‘Junior Elite’ bricks are designed to be used only by the academic ‘creme’.

“Kids, the clever ones, that is, can really let their imaginations run wild while building MC Escher’s house, a Mobius strip, or a four-dimensional rhomboid, each priced at just £49.95.

“Unfortunately, the stupid ones will be unable to see anything at all, and their pudgy hands will be unable to feel the delicate contours of these beautiful, super-light bricks.

“I’m holding one in my hand right now, but you already knew that, of course.”

The spokesman added that the blocks had been coated in a special plastic that meant you would not even notice one if you stepped on it.

Martin Bishop, a father of two from Dartford, said: “My wife wasn’t convinced by the new bricks, but she’s always been a bit dim. Our kids are going to love them, because if not it’s extra tuition on Saturdays until they do.”

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Corbyn lacks my likeability, says Amis

NOVELIST Martin Amis has claimed that Jeremy Corbyn just isn’t likeable in the way that he is.

Amis believes the Labour leader is under-educated, humourless and most importantly lacks the friendly charisma that the chirpy 90s writer has in spades.

Amis said: “I’m not one to brag, but everyone likes me. I’m just a warm presence.

“Likeability was actually a subject at my fancy school, and I excelled at it, much as I did at everything. I just light up a room with my friendly open face and happy-go-lucky everyman charm.

“I’m like the Fonz or a popular Disney character.”