Microsoft expands empire of pointless annoyance

SOFTWARE irritant Microsoft has added to its portfolio of woe with the purchase of LinkedIn.

The baffling $26bn purchase sees the company take on Adobe and Apple as the main reason people shout at screens.

A Microsoft spokesman said: “The dream is that somebody sees they have eight new emails in Outlook, which they have to update, before seeing they’re from LinkedIn, which they’re not even signed up to.

“We’re also going to bring back the talking paperclip so he can ask whether you want to join his network every time you open Word.

“When I visualise it, it’s like a million tiny points of light popping up around the globe as people’s heads glow orange with rage. It’s quite beautiful.”

Many were surprised with Microsoft’s $26 billion valuation of LinkedIn, considering nobody knows what the company actually does.

The sale makes it one and a half times as valuable as Cadbury, despite the fact everyone has had Dairy Milk loads of times.