Man says ‘bosh’ after completing even the most basic task

A MAN uses the meaningless word ‘bosh’ after doing even the simplest thing, it has emerged.

32-year-old Tom Booker uses the nonsensical term to convey a sense of exaggerated macho pride whenever he does anything from making a cup of tea to closing a car door.

Booker said: “I’ve got a ham sandwich for lunch today – two slices of bread, a bit of butter, some ham, mustard. Bosh.

“I’m going to eat that bad boy then I’m going to say ‘bosh’. Bosh.

“Then it’s back to work until 5pm. That’s when I turn off my computer and get out of my chair – bosh.

“I get in the car bosh – turn the engine on – bosh – then I’m home by quarter to six – bish bash BOSH.

“And so on.”

Booker’s colleague Nikki Hollis said: “I don’t know what bosh means. Is it Greek for ‘please love me, I feel weak and afraid’?”

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Corporate drone hates himself for laughing at joke about company

A COMPANY yes-man has been sickened by his hypocrisy for laughing at a joke about his employer, it has emerged.

Junior manager Martin Bishop’s act of corporate disloyalty occurred when co-worker Donna Sheridan mocked the company’s somewhat stingy attitude to office refreshments.

Bishop said: “We got an email saying we have to buy our own teabags and coffee from now on, so Donna said, ‘And you can bring your own toilet paper too, you bloody scroungers!’

“Everybody laughed, including me, but then I felt disgusted with myself for belittling a perfectly reasonable policy to reduce beverage costs and maximise profits in the global marketplace.

“We owe the company so much. I get a salary, a car and people to talk to, which is vital if you don’t have a social life outside work. Plus it’s the only Christmas party I get invited to.

“I don’t know why I laughed. I think it’s because I’m a pathetic toady who likes to fit in at all costs while criticising people behind their backs, so at least I’ve got an excuse.”

Bishop now plans to appease his guilt by working several weekends without pay and writing a very boring article about his department for the company magazine.