Sunday, 18th April 2021

Middle-aged man in face mask trying to chat up checkout girl behind plastic screen

A MIDDLE-AGED man has decided that his face mask and an 8ft plastic screen are no barrier to chatting up a checkout girl in Tesco. 

Martin Bishop, aged 53, has spent many years ignoring hurdles such as women’s total disinterest and his unblemished record of failure so is not about to let inaudibility and a virus-proof screen put him off.

Bishop said: “I said to her, ‘Don’t be fooled, it’s not Tom Hardy in that Batman film, it’s me.’ Then I repeated it, then I repeated it again. Then I said ‘You can’t tell love, but I’m smiling.’

“She asked me to put my card on the pinger, which I interpreted as encouragement. So I said ‘Hot enough, eh?’ because she seemed a little bit slow and I wanted to give her an easy in.

“Then she asked if I was paying cash, and sighed when I started counting my coins out, and I said ‘You’re like Snow White in her glass box!’ and she sighed again so I knew I was getting through.

“It was classic banter. British conversation at its finest. Take that, Covid. You can’t stop this island’s sense of fun.”

Checkout girl Hannah Tomlinson said: “They say that all these online orders are going to get rid of our jobs. Sooner the f**king better.”