Middle-class woman to give used crime novels to Cancer Research instead

THE backlash against Oxfam has hit new heights after a woman resolved to give a box of second-hand crime novels to Cancer Research instead. 

Susan Traherne took the box, containing books by such high-profile authors as Michael Connolly and Jo Nesbo, almost to the door of the Oxfam branch in Newcastle-under-Lyme before making her momentous decision.

She said: “I don’t know if it’s ethical to be giving these books to them if they’re going to end up with prostitutes in warzones. I’ve only read them once and I’ve hardly even cracked the spines.

“There was a PDSA on the street but some of the animal rights can be a bit extreme too, can’t they. But you know where you are with cancer.

“And I’m afraid until they’ve cleared all this up then Oxfam won’t be profiting on any meticulously described stories about sexually-depraved serial killers from me.”

Following her donation Traherne called in at Oxfam and bought a dress for £20, reasoning that it was morally justifiable because it was not just M&S but Autograph.

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Young people only going on Facebook to check up on parents

THE only reason people under 30 use Facebook is to monitor their parents’ mid-life crises, it has emerged.

With the average age of today’s Facebook user now 53 according to some estimates, and some recent adopters as old as 86, Britain’s young people mainly visit the site to keep up to speed with family embarrassment.

Tom Logan, 26, said: “If it were up to me, I’d no more be caught lurking on Facebook than I would playing golf or drinking real ale.

“It’s my mum and dad I have to think of. There was photo of them last week in full motorcycle gear in the Brecon Beacons with the caption ‘Living the dream’. Jesus.

“What’s more, it was taken the same day as they said they couldn’t look after our son Callum because my dad had a ‘hospital appointment about keyhole surgery’. Keyhole surgery my arse.

“In our day, the 1990s, we had more sense of personal responsibility. The Facebook generation are more concerned with pretending it’s the 1960s again.

“We should never have introduced our parents to computers in the first place.”