More business networking done through Airbnb than LinkedIn 

MORE people are finding employment and forming new business ventures through Airbnb than LinkedIn, it has emerged.

Staying in someone’s house and maybe even sitting down for a chat and a cup of tea with them has been found to be more effective than sending someone an email because you have read their CV online.

Airbnb landlord, Martin Bishop, said: “We had this lovely young couple  stay for a night and the girl told us about an idea she’d had for this vegan website which actually looked really interesting.

“She even cooked us something. If she had emailed me about it through LinkedIn I’d have blocked her and reported her to the police for harassment, but luckily she paid to come and stay in the large whiskey barrel I’ve had converted into a bedroom in the garden.”

Fellow landlord, Donna Sheridan, added: “I own a tiny studio flat in central London, which I don’t even live in, which can make me as much as £3000 a month in the summer for doing pretty much fuck all.

“So, if you check out my LinkedIn profile it says my current occupation is ‘Don’t have to work, mate. I own property in Central London’.”

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Tories urged to publish list of their idiot time wasters

THE Conservative Party has been urged to publish a list of its most useless and idiotic politicians whose ideas can safely be ignored.

After Tory plans to make firms reveal how many staff were foreign, voters believe it would be better to list ministers who dream up stupid ideas in order to hop on a passing bandwagon.

Business owner Tom Logan said: “A list of opportunistic Tory fuckwits would be really handy.

“Instead of listening to Amber Rudd’s xenophobic shit, I could have looked her up on the list and quickly confirmed she is a moron trying to get some cheap publicity.

“It would also have spared me many hours of Boris Johnson’s patently insincere campaigning against the EU and David Cameron twatting around in the Arctic with huskies.”

Political scientist Mary Fisher said: “A list like this would enable voters to instantly ignore certain politicians and do something more useful, like eating a Twix.”