New pound coin sorry it’s attached to completely f**ked currency

THE new one pound coin would rather not be attached to a doomed currency, it has confirmed.

The 12-sided coin’s security features, including a hologram and micro-lettering, have been designed to stop forgers making counterfeits which would only happen if anyone still expected it to be worth anything. 

New pound coin Tom Booker said: “I’m a lovely coin. Such a shame sterling’s going down the shitter.

“Just seems a waste packing in all these security features for something you’ll need a wheelbarrow full of just to buy a loaf of bread. 

“Still, I suppose there’s a couple of years before the black-marketers only take Euros. 

“Anyway, if you’re willing to put in the effort I’ll sharpen up beautifully for throwing, which I expect will be my main use post-2019.” 

He added: “Of course it’ll still fit in supermarket trolleys. And you’ll be needing those to push your belongings around.”