A SMALL business is staffed entirely by f**king morons who cannot understand why everything takes ages, it has emerged.
Bosses and staff at Trident Kitchen Supplies of Nuneaton have yet to make a connection between the firm’s poor performance and being stupid dysfunctional arseholes.
Managing director Roy Hobbs said: “I sent our receptionist Kelly-Marie on a one-day computer course and she still hasn’t put all our products online like Amazon.
“The only explanation is she’s a lazy cow. I told her to get it fucking sorted this afternoon or she’s out of a job and she just started crying. I don’t care if she’s pregnant, this is strictly business.”
Marketing executive Nikki Hollis said: “I won’t do anything unless someone asks me about six times. It stops things getting done but it makes me feel important which is the main thing.”
Sales manager Donna Sheridan said: “Reps are constantly ringing me about perfectly clear text messages like ‘RU on wot gav sed??? pull ur finger out m8 17 tues not daventree’.
“I asked Steve if he wanted me to wipe his bloody arse for him. In fact I say it every time I see him. That’s just good people management.”