Oh, inflation’s the least of your worries, chuckles Bank of England

THE Bank of England has promised anyone worried about inflation that soon they will look back and marvel at how naive they were.

Governor Mark Carney said: “Inflation means it will cost more money to buy food, but that’s only an issue if you have money and food is available to buy.

“I won’t call it good news, but let’s just say that’s not how our society’s going to be operating by 2019.

“Interest rates will go up, but that only matters to mortgage holders and well, I think the people of Britain will find one flooded ruin offers the same shelter as any other.”

Carney added: “Inflation’s hardly up there with war, famine, pestilence or death, is it?

“Light relief in comparison.”

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Daily Express reader's world crumbles after wrong paper delivered

AN EXPRESS reader is struggling to come to terms with his new reality after receiving a different newspaper by mistake.

Retired structural engineer Roy Hobbs’s most deeply held beliefs were rocked to their foundations when the paper boy accidentally left the Guardian instead of his usual Daily Express.

Hobbs said: “I noticed that it didn’t mention how Brexit is making the economy boom and the EU is grovelling at our feet now we’ve stood up to them.

“Then I read an article about Nicola Sturgeon and she seemed quite reasonable. That couldn’t be right because she’s an insane Nazi devil hag who wants to enslave England.

“The alarm bells really started ringing when there was nothing about ISIS immigrant gangs taking over all our towns and enforcing Sharia law. Even the Marxist Guardian would report on that.”

Hobbs is now wondering if he was misled about this and other issues like how the Russians are about to invade and teachers making five-year-olds become transgender.

He and his wife now plan to visit their local town centre for a meal one evening, but still have a residual fear of being mugged by binge-drinking ‘ladettes’.