Old bastard attacked by useless shower of piss

A SNEAKY old bastard was last night attacked by people who have made a career in politics.

Watson says his hypocrisy is 'glandular'

Unemployable misfits who spend your money on themselves said multi-billionaire Rupert Murdoch was not fit to run a business, particularly the incredibly successful one he has built from scratch.

Tom Watson, the chubby Labour MP who used public money to buy £4,800 worth of food in a single year, said: “Rupert Murdoch is a total bastard. How he ever became successful is a mystery.

“Companies should be run by lovely people like Richard Branson and his bevy of gorgeous tax accountants.”

Watson who, along with fellow Labour MP Iain Wright, used £100,000 of public money to do up a London flat, added: “I remember saying to Gordon Brown that he and Sarah should not be such close friends with Rebekah Brooks. Unfortunately my mouth was full of cheese so he may have misheard me.”

But Mr Murdoch, who treats his staff like dog faeces and can never have enough money, said the MPs’ report was ‘highly partisan’ as it was written by people he has tried to destroy using any means necessary.

Turning to his son James, he said: “You told me Watson was dead. ‘Bottom of a disused mine shaft’ you said.

“Don’t you bloody lie to me again boy. You may be my son but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have you thrown out of a helicopter.”

Murdoch insisted he had already addressed the issues raised in the report by making his newspapers 0.2% less bullying and dishonest.

He added: “I’m really, really sorry if I’ve done a bad thing. Can someone teach me how to cry?”

Meanwhile, Tom Watson was last night filling a trolley with M&S pizzas and thanking members of the public for their support.