Sunday, 9th May 2021

One-way system in Next basically fascism, says mum

A MOTHER of three adult children has called them all to say the new one-way system in Next is tantamount to an authoritarian regime. 

Eleanor Shaw, aged 58, was horrified to discover that the store had deployed arrows and signs to ensure minimal contact between customers, a policy that she is certain has its origins in Mussolini’s Italy.

She continued: “I’ve been shopping here for years. Several times I’ve been in the first ten through the door for a 5am sale. Now suddenly I’m expected to walk around men’s shoes before I get to the kids section?

“I’ve no moral objection to going around furniture. Our Janice got a lovely pair of wingback chairs there. But when they’re forcing me that’s taking away my rights.

“Anyone who believes in democracy would agree that I should be able to browse however I choose. I certainly didn’t vote for this pandemic.

“I’m not going to pretend this experience hasn’t radicalised me. I was going to go to the big John Lewis in town instead but it’s not open. Burn it. Burn it all down.”