THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been ordered undertake 390 million hours of community service as punishment for its part in the Libor scandal.
The bank initially planned to assign all the additional work to just one member of staff. Donna Sheridan, a junior clerk from Ongar, was told to clean up graffiti and pick litter for the next 44,000 years.
However following concerns about Sheridan’s life span the bank will now spread the unpaid labour across all its branches. Local RBS outlets will be taking in washing, walking dogs and befriending lonely pensioners.
The Bexhill branch has been turned into a crèche, but parent Stephen Malley is not impressed: They’ll only take children in groups of five, ten or twenty.”
“If I want them to take my daughter Ive got to find nine other one year olds and deposit them as a group.
Another parent, Carolyn Ryan complained: Any child dropped off after 3.30pm isnt looked after until the following day.
A more popular service has been community self expression, which allows members of the public to scream abuse into their bank managers face for up to fifty minutes at a time.
When asked why the bank didnt opt to fulfil its community obligations by lending money and supporting local businesses, an RBS spokesman said: “Are you on drugs?”