THE UK’s banks have pleaded not to be broken up because they are deeply in love.
Officials say the banks need to separate into high street and investment operations, but the banks say that without each other they would end up getting cats.
A spokesman for Barclays said: “For the high street banks, bored of the mechanical deposit and withdrawal, it’s exciting to be felt-up by a risk-taker who has just shorted a load of yen.
“And the investment bank, for all his wide-boy ways, loves the security the retail bank gives him. Plus, of course, he relies on her for money.”
Customer Susan Traherne said: “High street banks should have more self-respect, but it’s hard when you’re such a dumb bitch you can’t even cancel a direct debit.”