AFTER Black Friday and Cyber Monday, today sees the launch of a new retail event where prices are brought right back up to meet Q4 profit targets.
Physical and online shops have happily announced that shoppers have had their chance to enjoy large discounts, cannot say they were not warned and goods will now cost up to 50 per cent more because they have shareholders to keep happy.
Retail CEO Martin Bishop said: “Delayed picking up a bargain over the weekend because you thought the low, low prices would last another week? Well, f**k you.
“We weren’t bluffing. We’ve got bills to pay and bonuses to make. How do you expect us to do that when we’re shifting air fryers at a 40 per cent discount? Be reasonable.
“Those offers were genuine. You scorned them. And now you reap the whirlwind. Christmas is coming and we’re here to claim what’s rightfully ours, namely your hard-earned cash.
“What’s that? It seems to you prices have been inflated well beyond their original value? Yep. That’s just part of the F**k You, We’re Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday fun. See you next year.”
Shopper Nikki Hollis said: “I am excited to take part in this fiscal event. I hope the shops play Christmas music.”
