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Woman's attempt to jiggle boobs set off secondary jiggles elsewhere

A WOMAN trying to perform a controlled, sensual boob-jiggle for her boyfriend accidentally triggered less welcome jiggles elsewhere. 

29-year-old Hannah Tomlinson had intended a sexy tit-shake to excite her partner when emerging from the shower but fears the reverberations spread and set off a less attractive full-body wobbling display.

She said: “The boobs quivered very alluringly, so no problem there. Unfortunately that cascaded to a number of other body-fat seismic events.

“Belly, arms, thighs, all joined in and my suddenly freezing in place only precipitated further rippling, continuing for what felt like a good ten seconds. I wanted a saucy tit wiggle that would not go amiss in a burlesque show. Instead I’ll be lucky to ever get laid again.

“I should have realised boobs are only a gateway shake. The rest of me joined in like the single pebble that begins an avalanche. I’ll only let him see me naked again after core exercises and rigorous psychotherapy.”

Boyfriend Oli O’Connor said: “I don’t know what the rest of her was doing. There were breasts visible.”

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Older generation baffled by the idea of job satisfaction

ANYONE over 50 is perplexed by younger people’s delusions that work should be anything other than a thankless slog endured in order to buy things. 

From Boomers to Generation X, workers cannot grasp the concept that employment should be fulfilling in its own right rather than a soul-destroying way to acquire money for life’s essentials, like cigarettes and bingo.

Martin Bishop, aged 86, said: “Being reimbursed for the valuable time you’re sacrificing to scanning shopping or welding metal is the whole point of a job.

“Meanwhile fun things, like drinking five pints or betting on the horse racing, tend to cost you money rather than earning it. It’s how you tell the difference. Why would you enjoy work? What’s wrong with you?”

64-year-old Susan Traherne said: “The only times I can remember being satisfied at work was when we went home early because they found asbestos in the ceiling. Other than that it was pure misery for 55 years straight.

“if your day consists of Teams meetings, client reviews and managerial catch-ups and you’re trying to find joy in it, there’s something profoundly wrong with you. And I’m saying that as someone who’s repressed all of their emotions since 1978.”

Tom Booker, aged 27, said: “But I don’t earn enough to pay off my loans or get out of this bedsit. So what is work for?”

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