Savoy Hotel closes after bad TripAdvisor review

LONDON hotel The Savoy has closed its doors after more than 125 years following a one-star TripAdvisor review.

The damning review, which leaves the hotel’s reputation in tatters, was written by well-respected user steel_norm, who recently gave Camber Sands Pontins the maximum five stars.

Savoy manager Denys Finch Hatton said: “It’s been a good run.

“We’ve had Frank Sinatra, Oscar Wilde and Sir Winston Churchill, but they are not senior reviewers on a popular website who more than 25 users have voted helpful.

“He enjoyed his stay and the staff apparently met his standards of servility but his afternoon scone was insufficiently warm and well, that’s it for us.

“All the oil princes are always on TripAdvisor and, seeing us ranked 20,859 out of 20,859 – just behind a Nunhead B&B which houses teenage offenders – have now cancelled their bookings.

The growing power of TripAdvisor was demonstrated last month when the entire island of Mykonos was abandoned by locals after poor notices for their cocktail two-for-one offers.

An unrepentant Norman Steele said: “Also, my tea came with those weird, uneven-shaped sugar lumps rather than sachets.”

 

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Liberal elite declares police state

THE UK government has been overthrown by a liberal elite junta headed by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

After Nigel Farage’s exclusion from a television programme and the assassination of Jeremy Clarkson, elections have been suspended and traditional British common sense has been classed as hate speech.

Toynbee said: “We namby-pambies, we do-gooders, we pinkos have emerged from our ivory towers and hypocritically large houses to fill the power vacuum left by the downfall of the Chipping Norton set.

“From now on, you think only what our think-pieces tell you to think.”

Resistance leaders Rod Liddle and Peter Hitchens have gone underground using a secret network of national newspapers to continue bravely saying the things they say they are not allowed to say.

David Cameron has barricaded himself inside Downing Street, the Queen is guarded by Royalist forces in Buckingham Palace, and ordinary Britons have defied the coup by being openly racist.

Wayne Hayes of Reading said: “They know our weaknesses. They used our three phobias against us – Islamo, xeno and homo.

“But this afternoon I will share a Facebook post about being proud of British values, and that will be the beginning of their downfall.”