Starbucks to do sponsored head-shave for HMRC

STARBUCKS staff are to shave their heads in aid of the British government.

Workers at the coffee chain are asking friends, family and customers to sponsor them as they go bald just before Christmas in a bid to raise an extra £1m for Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.

A spokesman said: “We are proud to make HMRC our official charity partner for 2013. They are the unsung heroes who make it possible for the British Government to help its own victims.

“They share our passion for ethically-sourced ingredients and making everything insanely complicated.

“We hope that all of our customers will join us by sponsoring our staff and doing their bit to keep HMRC going during these difficult times.”

Martin Bishop, a Starbucks regular from Peterborough, said: “I shall certainly be digging deep this Christmas and giving money to HMRC. Because if I don’t I’ll go to prison.”

Over the next 12 months the coffee chain will stage a series of charity stunts including X-Factor style singing contests when they should be making coffee, and 5km fun runs where staff will dress up as actual-size Trenta Macchiatos.

Meanwhile, Starbucks will also fund a major TV advertising campaign encouraging individuals to sponsor a 48 year-old tax collector for just £3 a month.



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Millions lucky enough to spend Christmas Day alone

SEVERAL million fortunate individuals will be enjoying peaceful solitude on Christmas Day, it has emerged.

As the season of compulsory family fun approaches, there is increasing jealously towards those who do not have relatives or have managed to ostracise them.

Plumber Stephen Malley said: “I was married with three kids but I faked my own death in a hovercraft accident just to avoid Christmas with my wife’s parents.

“I shall be watching war films in bed at just about the time my father-in-law usually starts being racist.”

Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford, said: “My niece insists on coming over but I make her leave the presents outside.

“Usually she says ‘Merry Christmas’ through the letterbox, to which I reply, ‘Go away, I’ve got a harpoon gun’.”

However 83-year-old Emma Bradford has found her family unavoidable: “They come and get me, manhandle me into a car.

“My son’s wife – I just call her ‘she’ or ‘that woman’ – shouts in my face and gives me a box of lavender soap, which I feed to their dog.”