Successful person admits lack of working-class backstory

A SUCCESSFUL entrepreneur has confessed that she neither has a working-class background or is prepared to make one up. 

Emma Bradford, who has made her fortune creating software, has confirmed that neither she, her parents or her grandparents came from tough council estates they were determined to escape.

She said: “We weren’t rich. But nor am I prepared to pretend we were particularly poor.

“Did I watch my mum work her fingers to the bone in two jobs?  Sort of, but only in that she was a non-exec director for a local company and an IT consultant. Did I strive to have a better life than she did? Not really. She’s got a much nicer sofa than me.

“Bailiffs at the door? No. Just carol singers and stuff.  And yes, Dad did leave us, but only to go on the odd work trip and he always brought back Toblerone.

“Ex-classmates now all drug addicts or in prison? No. Largely they’re in white-collar jobs and earning in the high five figures, though I do worry they’ve not put enough into their pensions.”

Friend Eleanor Shaw said: “It’s so brave of Emma to come out and admit she doesn’t have a working-class backstory to fall back on. Such deprivation.”

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Teen thinks wildly popular band from 20 years ago is underground and alternative

A TEENAGER believes his fandom of a band that was hugely popular two decades ago makes him cool and alternative.

15-year-old Ryan Whittaker considers himself to be a connoisseur of counterculture because he listens to platinum-selling Grammy-winning band The White Stripes after Spotify recommended them.

He said: “Yeah, The White Stripes? You’ve probably never heard of them? They’re pretty out there.

“My mates all listen to mainstream stuff like Ed Sheeran, but I’m a bit beyond that. I prefer niche stuff like 2003’s Elephant, a truly great album which was never appreciated in its time and is more or less forgotten now.

“There are loads of other great underground bands from that era as well, like Radiohead, The Strokes and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Their stuff’s pretty much unobtainable on vinyl. You have to be a proper connoisseur.

“They were out years before I was born, so yeah, obscure. It’s annoying because they don’t get the attention they deserve. They headlined Glastonbury? I guess it was still a tiny free hippy festival in 2005.”

Ryan’s mum Emma said: “When I was his age I was into seriously alternative bands like The Smiths. They only appeared on Top of the Pops eight times.”