'Team 6' to become film, boy band and washing-up sponge

THE elite special forces team that killed Osama bin Laden is to inspire a big-budget film, an edgy boy band and a no-nonsense dish washing sponge.

Experts predict that Team 6, the crack squad of Navy Seals that is so shrouded in secrecy that no-one even knows what its name is, will be the brand of the decade.

Martin Bishop, product name analyst at Madeley Finnegan, said: “‘Team’ is a very powerful brand concept and allows you to have different team members who identify with a wide range of demographics. Charlie’s Angels appealed to three different shades of hair colour, while The A-Team appealed to pensioners, black people, the handsome and the severely mentally ill.

“And six is a very important sounding number, especially for people who can only count to seven.”

In Hollywood, Tom Cruise took out a full-page advert in Variety warning that if anyone stops him from being cast as the ‘brave, sensitive, glistening soldier’ who ultimately kills Bin Laden, he will shoot them in the face.

The film is expected to inspire a TV series which will see the team controlled from a secret base in downtown Los Angeles by a powerful woman who gives as good as she gets and has amazing tits.

The series will then inspire a series of other series including Team 6: Waziristan, Team 6: Massive Erection, Team 6: 24 divided by 4 and Team 6: Midsomer Takedown.

Members of the elite Team 6 boy band will be chosen by a TV audience with producers stressing the successful contestants will be able to sneak undetected into the bedroom of a teenage girl or gay man before having his way with them.

And health giant Procter and Gamble is developing an elite, Team 6 toothpaste with six key ingredients that will tackle the six causes of gum odour.

Meanwhile, the Team 6 washing-up sponge promises to terminate grease and dried-up food bits with ‘extreme prejudice’.

A spokesman said: “Caked-on food will have nowhere to hide, even if it’s in a massive, fortified kitchen in Pakistan.”


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'Good God! What the hell's that?' shouts Pakistan

PAKISTAN last night pointed at the sky and screamed in a pathetic attempt to distract the world from its nauseatingly transparent guilt.

As Osama Bin Laden was gunned down while giving a sensuous back rub to Pakistan’s head of intelligence, the country said it thought it saw a massive bat.

President Asif Ali Zardari said: “Did you not see it? It was really huge. I think we should all go and look for it immediately

“Or at least talk about it to the exclusion of all other topics.”

After realising that everyone in the world was still looking at him, Mr Zardari then went back to staring intently at his own feet.

Just under 30 seconds later he looked up and added: “Oh sorry, did you say Osama Bin Laden?  I thought you were looking for someone called Ian… Bin Laden.

“If you’d have said ‘Osama’ then I would have immediately pointed you to a large house yards from our nation’s elite military academy and in the same town where rich and powerful Pakistanis take their holidays.

“But, as I say, I was absolutely sure you said ‘Ian’. Oh well, what’s done is done.

“Anyway, where were we? Oh yes – would anyone like to give me billions of dollars in aid? Anyone? Anyone? No? Oh come on, you’re not still in a bad mood about this ‘Ian’ thing are you?”

In America, a delighted Congress rushed through a constitutional amendment allowing US presidents to be born in Kenya if they feel like it, while in some gold-plated hellhole in New York, Donald Trump was shutting his big, fat, stupid, fucking face.