Tesco buying Londis so they can charge 85p for a can of Tizer

TESCO is buying Londis because they can charge 85p for a Tizer and up to £1.60 for a loaf of white bread. 

The supermarket giant is paying £3.7 billion for the convenience chain, but believes it can earn that money back in months with ridicuous mark-ups.

Tesco CEO Joseph Turner said: “Have you seen how much they charge for a Pot Noodle? £1.45 when it’s got dust on the top. And they’re still selling last year’s Creme Eggs.

“Their brands are shit, half of it’s out of date, the stores have one – seriously, one – staff member and they’re getting at least 50 per cent more per item than we are, so it’s a total no-brainer.

“We can buy stuff from our own supermarkets, put it on shelves in Londis, make two profits from the same goods. It’s a genius move.”

Londis manager Bill McKay said: “I don’t have to talk to you. I don’t even have to look at you. This isn’t a fucking Tesco.”