Friday, 29th May 2020

The more essential your work the less you get paid, them's the rules, says capitalism

CAPITALISM has confirmed that the more vital to society your work is, the less you therefore earn. 

Workers who the country could not do without right now, for example nurses, truckers or supermarket staff, must earn a pittance compared to management consultants and pork futures traders because that is the way it is.

A Treasury spokesman said, “As someone who draws a six figure salary for a job a trained parrot could do, I applaud those potentially laying down their lives and regret that they must earn much less.

“Whether a binman, a cleaner, a bus driver, a delivery driver, a postman or one of the other people that keeps Britain running, your earnings must remain low as our tribute.

“Now is not the time to discuss an increase in salaries. To discuss monetary issues at a time like this would be vulgar and an insult to the genuine emotion of their work. They’re missionaries, not mercenaries.

“We couldn’t increase their pay without taking away everything that makes them so wonderful. If only I could be like them. But sadly, I have a huge house.”

The spokesman added: “Our adage is ‘Keep Calm And Carry On With A Unchanged Economic System’. Certainly makes sense to me.”