Topshop to replace mannequins with skeletons

RETAILER Topshop is to replace its controversial slender mannequins with skeletons.

After a backlash against the slim proportions of their mannequins in their windows, the shop will use human bones arranged in an array of aspirational poses like ’skeleton family on holiday’ and ‘sexy skeletons dancing at a party’.

A spokesman said: “Nothing represents real, mortal people better than the skeletal structure.

“Shop window dummies have two purposes – to sell stuff and to frighten children, and I think a skull in a baseball cap achieves those things admirably.”

Student Nikki Hollis said: “Topshop mannequins have always been a big influence on how I live my life, so this is exciting stuff.”

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Man overestimated by targeted advertising

A MAN is suing Google for persistently misrepresenting him as an affluent, cultured individual.

Despite the copious personal data available via his Gmail account, Chrome browser and searches, Google has refused to drop its insistence that pipe-fitter Nathan Muir regularly attends the theatre and listens to the music of Miles Davis.

He said: “I send long emails to friends about my love for the Lethal Weapon quadrilogy. I’ve got an Amazon wishlist full of Macc Lads albums, and all I do on YouTube is watch Magnum PI.

“But click on Yahoo! News and what are the ads? The Royal Opera House’s upcoming production of Orphee et Eurydice.

“I’m so desperate for low-down, dirty cookies that reflect the true me, I’ve even liked UKIP on Google+.”

The problem is even worse on social media, where Facebook believes Muir ready to invest in Dubai property and Twitter continually promotes tweets about improving his search engine rankings in New York.

A Google spokesman said: “Our algorithms know Mr Muir better than he does.

“If they say he is a high-flying art collector who enjoys avant-garde jazz then he is, and he’s henceforward barred from accessing anything that contradicts that.

“We are not wrong. We are Google.”