Trains set free to roam as they please

RAIL bosses have given up trying to control their trains and have set them free to roam wild.

Amid fresh travel chaos, rail executives said it was time to admit that trains could not be tamed by man.

Train company boss Roy Hobbs said: “For centuries we have tried to enslave these majestic trains, making them do our bidding and arrive at places punctually.

“But these splendid vehicles have minds of their own, much like Thomas the Tank Engine, and would rather be late or break down.

“It is time to end the cruelty of timetables. From now on they shall just go up and down the tracks with no driver and the accelerator pedal taped down, tasting the sweet nectar of freedom.

“Of course you still have to buy a full price ticket if you want to try to jump on one, otherwise you will receive a massive fine.”