Stylish office still essentially a prison

‘COOL’ design-conscious offices are really just light, airy prisons, according to workers.

Marketing assistant Tom Booker who works at Red Dot Media which has big windows and a ping-pong table said: “All that fancy shit wears thin pretty quickly.

“Then you realise you’re still just in a massive building with a bunch of tossers, slaving away for the benefit of the shareholders. Every day, forever, like any job.

“There’s only so much ping-pong a person wants to play.”

Emma Bradford, who works at an office which won a design award for its warm textured feel, said: “Even the toilets have a stylish modernist feel, which I never fail to notice when I’m in there crying every lunchtime.”

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UKIP MP strangely familiar

VOTERS have got the feeling they have seen UKIP’s first MP somewhere before.

Douglas Carswell, who is rumoured to have a background in extreme right-wing politics, entered the House of Commons as if he already knew where he was going.

Conservative MP Julian Cook said: “The UKIP victory is a political revolution, but oddly I feel this chap’s always been around.

“It’s almost like I remember his face behind me in Parliamentary committees, on the backbenches and in bollockings for taking the piss about expenses.”

Colleagues say the new MP’s views, which include hardcore Euroscepticism, slashing the welfare state and cutting City regulation, also gave them a curious feeling of deja vu.

Carswell said: “I, and the party I represent, am a new and exciting force in British politics.

“Any MPs who need clarification are welcome to attend private meetings in my office, where I will stand behind you holding a machine that is definitely not a neural implanter.”