THOUSANDS of Amazon orders will be incorrect because its warehouses are mostly staffed by undercover journalists.
Over 80% of the retail behemoth’s frontline workforce are too busy writing about their working conditions to do their jobs properly.
An Amazon spokesman said: “The worse you treat undercover journalists the more they like it, which is a real boon for any employer, but sadly they’re so absorbed in composing their pieces they keep screwing up.
As a result close to half of our Christmas orders will be incorrect, late, or appearing in short segments on tomorrows Newsnight.
Anyway, if youll excuse me I just need to make a few notes on how stressed this press briefing has made me.
“Not that Im a journalist or anything, Im just really keen on notes.
Amazon customer Francesca Johnson said: I ordered the new Arcade Fire album, and instead got a pocket tape recorder into which someone has dictated an article about timed toilet breaks.
It’s actually quite good to listen to in the car, but its not what I asked for.
Undercover reporter Julian Cook said: The rapacious expansion of Amazon threatens to turn us all into 21st century serfs, which is why Im selflessly seeking to expose its terrible working practices.
Itll make a great Sunday supplement article, but Im really hoping people will be interested enough to buy an expanded version Im publishing as a Kindle Single.