THE increase in the bank levy could force senior bankers to cut back on luxury ball-fluffing, it has emerged.
Chancellor George Osborne has brought forward plans to take an extra £800m from the banks in a move the industry warned could lead to a 25% cut in the scrotal enhancement perks offered to senior executives.
Barclays currently spends £220m a year running a state of the art scrotum spa on the top floor of its London headquarters.
A spokesman said: “The executive undresses, positions himself in the Fluffing Chair and places his ankles in the stirrups while a crack team of Vietnamese schooolboys sets about his groin with shampoo, conditioner and a range of fragrant oils
“He can either have his testicular area hand dried with eagle feathers and buffed with a chamois or we can use a Bang and Olufsen hairdryer and a velvet coated sponge.
“Or if it’s a nice, sunny day the executive may want to stand on the terrace and let his balls dry naturally while urinating onto pedestrians 300ft below.”
Martin Bishop, deputy director of the British Bankers’ Association, said: “If this new levy goes ahead banks may be forced to lay off dozens of Vietnamese children who will simply end up being forced to do black-market ball polishing for trade union leaders and Labour MPs.
“It’s a simple choice – we can either continue to pay ourselves as much as we want or you can feel the spray of fresh urine on the top of your head accompanied by the distant laughter of a rich man with a five star nutsack.”