Woman finally switches from Topshop to M&S

A 36-YEAR-OLD woman says she feels ‘relieved and happy’ after admitting that she would rather shop in Marks & Spencer than Topshop.

Donna Sheridan has been a slave to the high street store for the last two decades, but has finally thrown off the chains of youth fashion to embrace impending middle age.

She said: “It’s been a long, tough fight. Just last month I bought a vinyl crop t-shirt from Topshop, only to get it home and realise once again I’m not fourteen.

“I’ve been in denial, tempted by the shapeless comfort of M&S but still somehow convinced I was a fashionable young woman who could rock a lace playsuit.

“But the sweet relief of my first M&S shop proved how wrong I’d been. I slipped into those wonderful slacks and slippers and comfy jumpers like I was slipping into a warm bath of invisibility to young dickheads.

“I will be shopping exclusively there from now on, and I have told my family not to be alarmed when I turn up looking like a long-lost maiden aunt.

“Apart from the fleeces. If they see me in a fleece, it’s time to euthanise me.”