You'll get bored of all this soon and I’ll still be loaded, says Philip Green

SIR Philip Green has confirmed plans to ignore a few weeks of criticism for his role in the BHS collapse and still be rich at the end of it. 

The billionaire admitted that denunciation from politicians and the public does sadden him, but remains confident that everyone will forget it all within a fortnight, just like they always do. 

He continued: “Remember when you were all angry with the Royal Bank of Scotland guy? Do you even remember his name?

“Or, back in the 90s, it was all the British Gas fat-cats. The nation was hopping mad. I bumped into one of them the other week in a casino in Monaco. 

“What about the whole offshore thing with Cameron’s dad that everyone was in a stew about? The one that was going to change the face of British politics? Me neither.

“I don’t underestimate Britain’s anger. This could last until September or even into early October.

“But my choice is pay back £571 million or be called rude names for a bit while I lie around on a yacht listening to Bryan Ferry and eating truffles? Now that is a dilemma.”


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Man’s back-up career as unrealistic as dream career

AN ASPIRING musician has discovered that his fall-back career option of setting up a world-renowned record label is only marginally less impossible.

Stephen Malley was shocked when he found out that achieving success as a music label mogul is almost as difficult as becoming an international pop star at the age of 38.

Malley, who works from the home studio he has made in his parents’ garage, said: “I’ve always known it’s good to have something to fall back on, that’s why I had the whole millionaire record label boss thing.

“Of course I’d like to win a Grammy, but I’m realistic about my prospects and have always said I’d be chuffed just for one of the artists on the label I set up to win a Grammy.

“But apparently the music industry is really competitive, even if you’re running a label which I’d have thought not many people would be into because it’s less glamorous.”

Malley is now considering selling out by winning a television talent show: “I don’t imagine I’ll enjoy being rich yet creatively unfulfilled, however it might inspire a great album about how ‘the industry’ is a massive machine like a McDonald’s burger factory.

“I love saying ‘the industry’.”