Zuckerberg now youngest person still on Facebook

THIRTY year-old Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest person still on it.

Most young people have taken flight from the ancient social network in favour of platforms including Snapchat, Whatsapp, Emotiswap and Grindr.

Zuckerberg said: “Facebook just seems to be full of prehistoric cultural references. What is ‘Dangermouse’? Who is ‘Mr T’ and why does he ‘pity the fool’?

“What’s a ‘Morrissey’?”

Zuckerberg has also discovered that Facebook traffic increases during the night as most of its users need to go to the toilet and take the opportunity to log on and post something about Dangermouse before going back to bed.

Zuckerberg said, “I wanted to impose a ‘no over-40s’ rule on Facebook but I was told that would just leave myself and a Ms Katherine Walker, from Stevenage, age 37.

“Am I the fool? Does ‘Mr T’ pity me?”

 

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Brave racist speaks out in climate of racism

A BRAVE racist has not allowed the atmosphere of hostility toward Islam to stop him speaking out against Muslims.

Swivel-eyed bigot Roy Hobbs has refused to be silenced after the Charlie Hebdo attack, which he believes has made his illogical, hate-filled views perfectly reasonable.

Hobbs said: “You won’t hear anyone criticising the attackers because of political correctness, or at least that’s what’s happening in the imaginary universe inside my head.

“As a racist I feel it’s my duty to stand up and say things that go way beyond any legitimate criticism of Islamic fundamentalism.

“They should send them back to Bongo Bongo land on a banana boat and they can take the Jews and the Welsh with them too.

“Yes, I really am that racist.”

Hobbs was praised by other racists for expanding the debate over Charlie Hebdo to include the the use of pet cats in Chinese takeaways and the poor personal hygiene of the French.