BBC accused of cock ring bias

ALL male BBC presenters have some form of penis adornment, it has emerged.

Following the promotion of Evan ‘Prince Albert’ Davis, sources within the corporation said it was dominated by a powerful cock ring clique called ‘the janglers’.

A BBC source said: “Pretty much all the BBC big beasts have some metal in their helmets.

“Huw Edwards sports an amethyst-encrusted hoop in his bell end, while Andrew Neil has four solid gold safety pins in each of his testicles.

“Alan Yentob has pewter chains connecting the base of his shaft to his ears.

“The BBC equivalent of a masonic handshake is to stick a hand in your left trouser pocket and make a rattling noise.

“It all started under Greg Dyke, who said you couldn’t trust a man who hadn’t experienced pain and bought jewellery.”

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Nan rates films based on scenery

81-YEAR-OLD Mary Fisher’s opinion of a film is based entirely on whether it features pleasant scenery.

Grandmother Fisher said her favourite film was Australia with Hugh Jackman, although she has no awareness of any story details.

She said: “There’s kangaroos and mountains. And I’ve always been interested in going on holiday to Australia, although it does look very hot.

“I didn’t really like the talking bits but it’s good where you can see nice views of the landscape from the sky.”

Fisher’s other favourite films are one with India in the title and ‘Doctor Thingy’ with Omar Sharif.

“I used to like Heartbeat when that was on the telly, it always had fields in it.

“But I don’t want you to think I just like nice scenery. I enjoy interesting scenery too, like big clouds and stormy seas.”